To say people are complicated is just a bit of a massive understatement. While people often love to romanticize relationships as these unions of pure unbridled bliss, they are plenty of times where they can be anything but. Of course no relationship is perfect, everyone handles things in their own way and every relationship has its own unique challenges, it’s how the two of you handle these challenges that’s important.
Thankfully if you’re able to identify and tackle your problems in a meaningful and healthy way the two of you have a far better chance of strengthening your relationship over the long-term no matter what challenges may arise. This week the team at Luurve go over critical advice to help you and your partner overcome conflict whenever your relationship may get complicated.
Lay It Out
One of the most important things the two of you can do on your road to resolution is to map out exactly where your conflicts with each other lie. While it’s best to sit down together and have an honest discussion about what has been bothering the other and why you each feel the way you do, consider doing a bit of “homework” beforehand.
Consider some basic reflection and introspection, or even going as far as mulling over old messages from arguments to gain a better understanding of what went wrong and when. Laying out your problems in a tangible concrete way is an invaluable tool on your journey to repairing them.
Honesty Is Best
The truth is where things become more complicated, at least more than simply being black and white and where a bit of nuance comes into play. Essentially you want to be direct and honest with your partner without wearing your emotions on your sleeve, the second you get upset you’re going to lose sight of the goal of resolution. As a general rule of thumb, you always want to be as honest with your partner as you can be, with a key emphasis on “as you can be”.
It’s a good idea to put a bit of conscious forethought into what you’re going to say before you say it. In the heat of the moment it’s easy for us to get caught up in our emotions and we may wind up saying things we don’t necessarily mean, or what we say comes off in a worse way as a direct by-product of the pain and frustration from being in an argument. Basically be honest, but be conscious of what you’re saying.
Are You Listening?
In disagreements and arguments people have a terrible habit of talking past one another and simply waiting for their chance to speak. If you want what you have to say to be heard then you need to extend the same courtesy to your partner you want them to extend to you and actively listen to their point and what they have to say. Don’t minimize their emotions or problems, don’t mindlessly blame the other, and don’t name-call no matter how angry you get.
It may be a good idea for the two of you to establish clear boundaries and expectations on how to handle yourselves to ensure the conversation doesn’t get beyond you both. It can be something as small as constantly maintaining eye contact, to something as grand as repeating the point stated to convey it was understood and nothing was misinterpreted. All too often even when it may seem as though the two of you are on the same page you can wind up being anything but. So it’s a good idea to proactively make sure the two of you are on common ground before moving forward.
Actions Speak Louder
Of course the two of you can address anything you want as much as you want until you’re both exhausted, but if you both aren’t committed to resolving and moving beyond conflict and actively addressing any problems raised then there’s honestly not much hope for the long-term health of your relationship.
Remember the age-old adage, “actions speak louder than words”. You can apologize and plead that things will be different this time all you would like, but if you’re not following that up with demonstrable action to show your commitment to growing and not repeating the same mistakes then it’s all simply nothing more than words. Be a person of action and of your word, even if your partner has a more difficult time doing so it shouldn’t be a source of disappointment and frustration to where you abandon the idea. Maintain the high ground no matter what.
While you may not want to hear this, it’s important to note that sometimes there are situations beyond repair or where two people are simply incompatible with one another. Chronic infidelity and lying, constantly seeking conflict and being argumentative, or deep-seated contempt and resentment are all problems you may not be able to resolve, or aren’t even worth resolving in the first place.
So long as the two of you are steadfast in your commitment to one another and resolving conflicts between you, as well as each of you having the capacity to work through problems in a healthy and constructive way, there are truly no limits on how far you two can go or where the relationship can take you. How do you handle problems with your partner whenever they arise? Do you have any tips for constructive discussion you feel we may have missed? Feel free to let us know down in the comments below!
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